Stop Writing Blogs and Start Writing Stories!
My fingers have no desire to tell stories right now. I've been working seven days a week for the last few months, and I've been so fucking tired and unmotivated. My schedule is finally beginning to smooth itself out though, and I am really hoping to be able to work on some stuff again. I need to get cracking on the rewrite for my previously published novel, Polarity. I also have three National Novel Writing Month novels that are for the most part finished, they just need to be tweaked. I've also started working on a few stories that I plan to put on Wattpad, which is an awesome free website/app that allows people to post their writing and have it visible to anyone for free. I'm channeling Chuck Palahniuk with one of them. The other may simply be a collection of short stories that I write. Who knows? THE WORLD IS MY OVERPRICED VEGAN OYSTER SUBSTITUTE.
Comic Things.
So I've been toying around with the idea of creating a couple of comics and doing my best to publish them in some way shape or form each week. It's been difficult for me, because lately, every time I put a fucking pencil to paper my inner critic starts screaming "YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT!" and begins trying to convince me that YouTube and Oreos are a far better plan for the night. I'm happy to say, however, that I've begun doodling a bit, and trying to hone my comic-ing skills, and I think they are turning out pretty alright. Not sure what the schedule is going to be, but I have three comics in mind. I plan on putting them up on Patreon, a site that allows people to financially support artists, and in exchange, the artist has to commit to doing the work. I love/need money, and I am terrible at commitments, so this would be a great way to help me stay focused.
These are the comics I'm thinking about cranking out:
Mr. Pants-This guy is a character I created while really exhausted with a couple of ex artist buddies of mine. Mr. Pants is a self proclaimed Private Investigator who lives with his parents at a shitty petting zoo and doesn't actually know what he's doing. He started off as a story because I was far too busy convincing myself that I couldn't draw to actually do any drawings, but I very much like the idea of turning him into a drawn character, so that's where I am with that one.
Conversations With Squirrels- I would very much love for this to become a daily thing, although right now, I'm happy with it being a weekly publication. This is just a series of quick, goofy doodles based on my life and my observations and whatnot. Look up Natalie Dee for an example of the kind of stuff I'd like to do.
Beetle and Poot-Beetle is a voodoo doll that has been brought to life and is left in an empty house with a ball of hair that she names Poot. Hilarity ensues?
These are the comics I'm thinking about cranking out:
Mr. Pants-This guy is a character I created while really exhausted with a couple of ex artist buddies of mine. Mr. Pants is a self proclaimed Private Investigator who lives with his parents at a shitty petting zoo and doesn't actually know what he's doing. He started off as a story because I was far too busy convincing myself that I couldn't draw to actually do any drawings, but I very much like the idea of turning him into a drawn character, so that's where I am with that one.
Conversations With Squirrels- I would very much love for this to become a daily thing, although right now, I'm happy with it being a weekly publication. This is just a series of quick, goofy doodles based on my life and my observations and whatnot. Look up Natalie Dee for an example of the kind of stuff I'd like to do.
Beetle and Poot-Beetle is a voodoo doll that has been brought to life and is left in an empty house with a ball of hair that she names Poot. Hilarity ensues?
I'm Back!!!!
So, I know I've been gone for a while. I'm sorry. Please don't be mad at me. I promise it's not at all my fault.
My anxiety has been taking my ass for one of those rides that seems like it may be fun in the beginning but ends with someone getting "forgotten" at a rest stop somewhere. It hasn't been fun. But I'm trying to get back into the swing of things now, and I'm hoping that by next week I'll be able to start regularly posting shit again.
My anxiety has been taking my ass for one of those rides that seems like it may be fun in the beginning but ends with someone getting "forgotten" at a rest stop somewhere. It hasn't been fun. But I'm trying to get back into the swing of things now, and I'm hoping that by next week I'll be able to start regularly posting shit again.
I feel like art is becoming a second job, and so far, I am not a very good employee.
I'm obsessed with planning and scheduling, to do lists and the glorious sound of a pen slowly scratching off another item that has been taken care of. My planner, as of late, has been filled with daily artistic and writing type assignments that I've given to myself. I try to keep up with them, but I find that it is incredibly difficult to stay motivated long enough to get everything done. Between my desire to post almost daily on this site, plus once weekly posts to fictosphere.com, plus random other writing adventures, I just feel like I'm consistently behind. The first week I had given myself this grueling schedule, I failed miserably. But I was rather accepting of this, however, because it was my first week trying to be productive, and it sometimes takes my brain a while to accept any sort of change. But it has been a month, and I still can't quite seem to get a good, solid hold of my obligations. I fell very far behind this week, and it's not because of anything beautiful or tragic or interesting. I just happened to find BuzzFeedViolet on YouTube far more interesting for the last couple of evenings. But I am trying to get my shit together. I have finally planned out the rewrite of my novel Polarity, and hope to get to tackling that soon. I have ideas for 3 new novels jangling around in my head, a few Kickstarter campaigns I'd like to start, a notebook containing a bunch of art projects I want to get started on...
I guess what I'm trying to say is this. I'm not perfect. I'm doing my best. And all I need to do is find a good pattern, a good habit that I can easily fall into, and I'll be able to feel like I'm a real artist with a real artisty job.
I guess what I'm trying to say is this. I'm not perfect. I'm doing my best. And all I need to do is find a good pattern, a good habit that I can easily fall into, and I'll be able to feel like I'm a real artist with a real artisty job.
Obligatory Weird New Age Post!
I came across a series of YouTube videos recently that at first glance, seemed a little too placid and new wave for me. The videos are completed under the channels of many different YouTubers, but each channel has the same four letters somewhere in the title. ASMR.
An abbreviation for autonomous sensory meridian response, ASMR videos aim to use whispers and simple sounds to ease a persons mind, help them sleep or focus, or even produce a tingly sensation throughout the head and neck area that, while not necessarily sexual, is supposed to feel incredibly comforting and nice.
I tried watching a video a few months ago. It was basically just a woman wearing a cloak, a black wall behind her, and a soft light against her face. She wiggled her hands around a lot and whispered. It made me uncomfortable. I typically don't like being in close proximity to people, and this felt too...real. I turned it off after about a minute. I was growing bored.
Yesterday I came across a Cracked article about ASMR, and decided to try and revisit it. I had done some research on it after my first video viewing attempt and was curious to try and see if all the positive affirmations about it were true. According to Wikipedia, there isn't much scientific evidence to back the videos up, but there is plenty of anecdotal evidence from those who are really into it.
The first video I pulled up was by a guy named Demitri and whose channel is called MassageASMR.
An abbreviation for autonomous sensory meridian response, ASMR videos aim to use whispers and simple sounds to ease a persons mind, help them sleep or focus, or even produce a tingly sensation throughout the head and neck area that, while not necessarily sexual, is supposed to feel incredibly comforting and nice.
I tried watching a video a few months ago. It was basically just a woman wearing a cloak, a black wall behind her, and a soft light against her face. She wiggled her hands around a lot and whispered. It made me uncomfortable. I typically don't like being in close proximity to people, and this felt too...real. I turned it off after about a minute. I was growing bored.
Yesterday I came across a Cracked article about ASMR, and decided to try and revisit it. I had done some research on it after my first video viewing attempt and was curious to try and see if all the positive affirmations about it were true. According to Wikipedia, there isn't much scientific evidence to back the videos up, but there is plenty of anecdotal evidence from those who are really into it.
The first video I pulled up was by a guy named Demitri and whose channel is called MassageASMR.
I found it a little unnerving at first, but I did manage to get most of the way through the video before turning it off. Those who produce ASMR's use something called Binaural beats, which, if y'all have ever heard of I-Dosing, you know what I'm talking about. Binaural beats utilize two different speakers, with different noises being introduced to the two speakers. It is possible to use different frequencies of sounds to create different effects for the listener, but it seems that with ASMR, the frequency of said noises isn't as important as the noises themselves.
What I'm guessing is that ASMR is supposed to create a feeling for the listener. Something that reminds them of their past, something that helps to calm them, something that makes them happy. The whispers are very calming, and the ASMR-ers tend to look directly into the camera and speak directly to the viewer.
This is definitely one of those things that should make me feel silly, but I couldn't stop my eyes from fluttering a little bit as I listened to the clicks on the wood. I watched a few more this morning, and I must admit, I did feel a little bit more at peace during the day. Was it a placebo, or was it a genuine good feeling created by this bald guy and his clacky wood thingies?
What I'm guessing is that ASMR is supposed to create a feeling for the listener. Something that reminds them of their past, something that helps to calm them, something that makes them happy. The whispers are very calming, and the ASMR-ers tend to look directly into the camera and speak directly to the viewer.
This is definitely one of those things that should make me feel silly, but I couldn't stop my eyes from fluttering a little bit as I listened to the clicks on the wood. I watched a few more this morning, and I must admit, I did feel a little bit more at peace during the day. Was it a placebo, or was it a genuine good feeling created by this bald guy and his clacky wood thingies?
I am a hot goddamned mess.
So to the very small group of people who may be following my site right now, I apologize. As the title states, I have been a mess. Torn between wanting so badly to work on stuff to cowering in a corner and crying, I've spent most of the last few months in a near catatonic stupor. Youtube has been my only friend. I haven't written or drawn or painted anything. Even these last few sentences have been really difficult to blurt out.
I don't know what my problem is. A shrink once called it Bipolar, but it feels more like Borderline Personality Disorder to me. I'd love to get it all figured out, but for now, Wikipedia is the only doctor that has any open availability for me. All I can say is that my mind constantly feels balanced on a very rickety tightrope, and the simple act of maintaining a modicum of outward sanity takes nearly all of my effort.
Needless to say, when I can feel the anxiety and the depression slowly making its way into my skull and wrapping its tendrils around my psyche, I know there isn't much I can do to stop it. I make sure I have a lot of junk food and some headphones and I wait for the storm to pass.
It took a while, but I'm finally getting out of my funk. Primarily due to my fiancee and good friend, who were kind enough to allow me into their internet world and accept me as a contributor to their website, the Fictosphere. We got together and started redesigning the site, getting it launched and posted on in just a few short weeks. I think that the desire not to let them down is really what got me back on the horse again. I started writing a series of short stories starring a ridiculous character I created called Mr. Pants. I did a drawing of him for the site as well, and started working on my Beetle and Poot comic again for the site. Being around a group of creative people really helped me out of the hole I had crawled into. I'm not feeling 100% yet, but the end of this post is definitely coming out more smoothly than the beginning.
I don't know what my problem is. A shrink once called it Bipolar, but it feels more like Borderline Personality Disorder to me. I'd love to get it all figured out, but for now, Wikipedia is the only doctor that has any open availability for me. All I can say is that my mind constantly feels balanced on a very rickety tightrope, and the simple act of maintaining a modicum of outward sanity takes nearly all of my effort.
Needless to say, when I can feel the anxiety and the depression slowly making its way into my skull and wrapping its tendrils around my psyche, I know there isn't much I can do to stop it. I make sure I have a lot of junk food and some headphones and I wait for the storm to pass.
It took a while, but I'm finally getting out of my funk. Primarily due to my fiancee and good friend, who were kind enough to allow me into their internet world and accept me as a contributor to their website, the Fictosphere. We got together and started redesigning the site, getting it launched and posted on in just a few short weeks. I think that the desire not to let them down is really what got me back on the horse again. I started writing a series of short stories starring a ridiculous character I created called Mr. Pants. I did a drawing of him for the site as well, and started working on my Beetle and Poot comic again for the site. Being around a group of creative people really helped me out of the hole I had crawled into. I'm not feeling 100% yet, but the end of this post is definitely coming out more smoothly than the beginning.
Genetics/Stuff I Want From Pat Catans
Are children of artists genetically predisposed to become artists themselves, or is simply being around those that create make them want to create themselves? It's something I've always wondered about my daughter. Her father and I met in 2002 when we were in art school together. He was a senior in film, I was a freshman in that I-Have-No-Idea-What-I'm-Doing bubble. We have since split up, but continue on with our artistic fuckery. He with his new, equally artistic wife and me with my comic maker/stuff writer soon to be hubs. My kid, surrounded by flurries of colored pencils and clay dust, had the virus pretty much since birth. Now, she's almost ten, and I'm not proud to admit that her ability to draw animals fills me with juicy waves of Haterade.
This past Christmas, because my family loves my daughter more than they love me, managed to throw at her $150 worth of gift cards to Pat Catans and Michaels. It's hard to validate taking her to either of those places right now, considering she received enough craft supplies to warrant me renting out a slightly larger house to fill it all. We did, however, decide to pay a visit to old Mr. Catan today, and because it would probably be a bit unethical to buy a bunch of my own shit with what's essentially my kids money, I've created a bit of a wish list of new crap that I want.
First off, I found these comic layout sketchbooks, with layout lines in that blue ink that doesn't show up when you make copies of it. I have a new comic idea in the works, but trying to draw them all on our Wacom tablet is frustrating. I guess I'm a little more old school than I'd like to be. I'm considering doing the new comic analog style, and do all of the coloring and whatnot for it myself. Which means I need the comic sketchbook and a nice set of markers. We found these Copic markers today, and they are amazing. Really fluid lines, dries evenly. But they are six dollars each, so going that route means saving up for them and holding off on the new comic for a little while. There are always Prismacolor markers, which are a little bit less expensive, but they don't try as evenly. Maybe I'll just use crayons.
I also really desperately want/need/crave/desire a new desk. I've always been fascinated with those glass top desks that tilt up and have all the neat little storage compartments attached to them. We have a formal-esque dining room which I really hoped to turn into more of an art space since we very rarely eat in there, so the desk is probably an in the future sort of purchase idea.
I found some ribbon that had a really nice texture, and I had wanted to purchase it as a texturing medium for some mixed media paintings I have planned out in my mind, but even when it was on clearance for 75% off, it was still 9 bucks. The fuck? Who spends 36 dollars on fucking ribbon? Did I do that math right? I'm flabbergasted enough to not care if that's wrong. What I ended up doing was buying my kid a small Xmas tree for 35 cents, and I pilfered the burlap wrapping off of the base and stashed that in my own craft slop bucket.
In the end, the trip went well, and my kid got a bunch of crap that she so desperately needed. Now if someone would be interested in giving me a few hundred bucks of gift cards, it would be greatly appreciated.
This past Christmas, because my family loves my daughter more than they love me, managed to throw at her $150 worth of gift cards to Pat Catans and Michaels. It's hard to validate taking her to either of those places right now, considering she received enough craft supplies to warrant me renting out a slightly larger house to fill it all. We did, however, decide to pay a visit to old Mr. Catan today, and because it would probably be a bit unethical to buy a bunch of my own shit with what's essentially my kids money, I've created a bit of a wish list of new crap that I want.
First off, I found these comic layout sketchbooks, with layout lines in that blue ink that doesn't show up when you make copies of it. I have a new comic idea in the works, but trying to draw them all on our Wacom tablet is frustrating. I guess I'm a little more old school than I'd like to be. I'm considering doing the new comic analog style, and do all of the coloring and whatnot for it myself. Which means I need the comic sketchbook and a nice set of markers. We found these Copic markers today, and they are amazing. Really fluid lines, dries evenly. But they are six dollars each, so going that route means saving up for them and holding off on the new comic for a little while. There are always Prismacolor markers, which are a little bit less expensive, but they don't try as evenly. Maybe I'll just use crayons.
I also really desperately want/need/crave/desire a new desk. I've always been fascinated with those glass top desks that tilt up and have all the neat little storage compartments attached to them. We have a formal-esque dining room which I really hoped to turn into more of an art space since we very rarely eat in there, so the desk is probably an in the future sort of purchase idea.
I found some ribbon that had a really nice texture, and I had wanted to purchase it as a texturing medium for some mixed media paintings I have planned out in my mind, but even when it was on clearance for 75% off, it was still 9 bucks. The fuck? Who spends 36 dollars on fucking ribbon? Did I do that math right? I'm flabbergasted enough to not care if that's wrong. What I ended up doing was buying my kid a small Xmas tree for 35 cents, and I pilfered the burlap wrapping off of the base and stashed that in my own craft slop bucket.
In the end, the trip went well, and my kid got a bunch of crap that she so desperately needed. Now if someone would be interested in giving me a few hundred bucks of gift cards, it would be greatly appreciated.
A welcome, and whatnot.
Hey everyone.
I did a lot of work during the month of December in an attempt to whore myself out for this site. My amazing brother (Myowncp.weebly.com) and hubs-to-be (mikepodgor.com) helped get the word out that I was building a new site. So if you are here because of them, I'm sorry. I'm nowhere near as interesting as those two asshats are.
I had a site going for a little while on Wordpress, but I didn't like that there was more of a blog-type feel to the whole operation. I wanted something a bit more professional-ish. As professional as you can be, of course, while adding -ish to random words and eating cold Chinese takeout for breakfast.
I guess I just wanted to slap something up here to thank whoever has already visited this little baby site of mine, and to let everyone know to please be patient. I am learning as we go here, forgetting daily comic posts already, and really just trying to get my name out there as a newbie artist and I-Wish-I-Could-Make-A-Name-For-Myself-Already writer.
And with that, I return back to my vegetable mei fun.
I did a lot of work during the month of December in an attempt to whore myself out for this site. My amazing brother (Myowncp.weebly.com) and hubs-to-be (mikepodgor.com) helped get the word out that I was building a new site. So if you are here because of them, I'm sorry. I'm nowhere near as interesting as those two asshats are.
I had a site going for a little while on Wordpress, but I didn't like that there was more of a blog-type feel to the whole operation. I wanted something a bit more professional-ish. As professional as you can be, of course, while adding -ish to random words and eating cold Chinese takeout for breakfast.
I guess I just wanted to slap something up here to thank whoever has already visited this little baby site of mine, and to let everyone know to please be patient. I am learning as we go here, forgetting daily comic posts already, and really just trying to get my name out there as a newbie artist and I-Wish-I-Could-Make-A-Name-For-Myself-Already writer.
And with that, I return back to my vegetable mei fun.